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| Third Stone From the Sun 20 most recent entries |
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 Sorry for the lack of posts my friends. I'll do my best to catch you up on things. I had a week of rest from the last day of university before I could start subbing. I enjoyed doing very little for a week and was a bit nervous about being a sub. I remember that we often gave subs a hard time when I was in school so I wasn't sure what to expect. My first week was fantastic. The kids I had were well behaved for the most part and I ended up teaching everything from French to Spanish to phys ed to music to deaf and hard of hearing kids. I suppose using the word "teach" is a bit of a stretch, but I did fill in for those teachers and had a lot of fun doing it. My second week started off a little rough as I took my first junior high subbing job. The kids were awful - at least many of them were. Perhaps awful is a bit much - effectively they were really loud and did a bad job of listening or following instructions. I had one kid collect the glue sticks that they had been using for some work their regular teacher had left. As he brought the basket full of glue sticks to the front I thought I noticed one kid at the back of the class with a glue stick, but when I sent the first kid to fetch it the one at the back said he didn't have one. Though I was pretty sure I had seen one in his hands I wasn't about to argue with him. I figured that maybe I was wrong and that if I was right and he had a glue stick he could have it for all I cared. Less than a minute later there was a thud and I noticed a glue stick stuck to the lighting fixture on the ceiling above where the kid had been sitting. Though a part of me was impressed at his ability to get that stuck with one shot, mostly I was pissed off. So I sent the kid to the office as he protested that he didn't do it. Later the principal sent the kid up with his buddy to apologize to me. Turns out it was his buddy sitting next to him that launched the glue stick. When I left at the end of the day both kids were sitting in the office and the glue thrower was bawling. I took that as a victory though I felt thoroughly defeated by the day as I drove home. Still, the good days have far outnumbered the bad ones - though I've yet to take another junior high gig. This is especially satisfying knowing that the position I turned down so that I could sub is apparently a hell gig. My friend Mme Chong wound up taking that gig and she has been in tears semi-regularly because the kids are so wild. I feel horrible for her because she's such a sweet person and deserves better. I feel good however that I went with my gut and dodged a bullet. I must admit that I feel rather desirable too. On my first day of subbing I had a feeling that a teacher who had been rather friendly might have a thing for me. Later that day I thought I heard her mention a husband and I felt kinda dumb for interpreting friendliness as something more. Then friendly girl and another teacher called me into a classroom as I walked by. They wondered if I was available to sub the next day. I said I was and was then booked to return. That next day I sat down with friendly girl as both our classes had gone to music. Her first question to me was whether or not I had a wife or girlfriend. I was a little taken aback, but replied that I did indeed have a girlfriend. She asked me a little about that before the topic of conversation changed. Then a mother volunteering in the school poked her head in from the hallway and said to me "There's a buzz in the school about you. Many of the teachers and parents are curious about the handsome new teacher, but they were sad to learn that you're married" I'm sure I was blushing and I didn't bother to correct her about the married thing. After the mother left friendly girl said to me that she had been disappointed to learn that I wasn't available. She then admitted that she had got her colleague to book a doctor's appointment so that she'd have a chance to work with me. Though I was flattered I felt very uncomfortable. Then last week I was working with an educational assistant. She was in my class for part of the day to help with one of the kids in the class who has some difficulties. I was helping a student when the educational assistant was due to leave. She came over to me and said that she had left a note for me on the desk with her phone number in case I wanted to go out for coffee. I didn't even really take in everything she had said and so I simply replied "sure". True to her word their was a note on the desk telling me that she had really enjoyed working with me and would love to have coffee with me along with her phone number. I must admit that I've been flabbergasted by these events. I mean, I've struggled most of my life with asking out women and suddenly they're asking me out. In fact, there was another incident from back in January where I was asked out too. This goes to prove my theory that the best way to get a girlfriend is to already have a girlfriend. Or perhaps it's as simple as Dex puts it in the movie The Tao of Steve (where I stole my LJ handle from) "Be desireless". In many ways being desireless is much easier said than done. Being desireless is however very easy when you have a fantastic girlfriend like I do. Anyway, this entry is long enough. More later. Buh Bye! (click) 2 comments | post a comment
 It's been a while LJ friends. That's 'cause uni was kickin' my ass and I had little time to be messing with the blog. Anyway, I've finished uni now and am thrilled to take a breath before I start work. I had a couple of interviews with principals for some temp positions 'til the end of June. Though I was offered a job I turned it down so I could sub instead. I have a permanent position starting at the end of August so I felt little pressure to take something now. Besides, although subbing has it's own stresses, I won't have to do any lesson planning, report card, or (the big one) attend any staff meetings. So once all my paperwork is finalized later this week, or perhaps next week, I'll be earning some scratch as a real teacher. My girlfriend Camille is awesome! She booked me a one hour massage on my last day of uni. How sweet! Everything is going great with her and I. Her family is pretty cool too. In fact, virtually all of them appeared in a video I made for university. I thought that was fantastic of them. Speaking of my video ... (you can see it on Facebook) ... it was shot for a presentation that was suppose to explain some of the thing I had learned from the program I was in, as well as some of the challenges ahead of me. I was giddy with excitement as I made the video. In fact, I had a hard time getting to sleep some nights after having done some editing. I had done some other funny videos during the year and my classmates had howled with delight at those. Leading up to the day of my presentation I had had several classmates tell me how much they were looking forward to what I was going to come up with. The pressure was on! The premise my video was that I travelled to the future to see what kind of impact I'd had as a teacher. Upon my arrival I discover that the province is completely French speaking - completely ridiculous considering the politics around French in this province. I discovered this happened during the "Epoch of Dabrain" (misspelled as this being a public blog). I then travel around asking random people about Monsieur Dabrain and discover all the great things that make him a wonderful teacher. I also very subtly include the fact that the French of everyone I speak to is rather weak - which later comes out as one of the challenges I face. In shooting the video I decided it'd be cool if I had some kind of tie in to my classmates to make it more personal. I knew it'd be hard to include them all, so I decided it'd be just one of 'em. I wanted to make fun of the French expression "devenir chèvre" which means to become furious, but literally translates to "become a goat". To avoid the possibility that anyone in my class might think that I was being serious, I decided to pick the sweetest, most shy girl in class. She's a girl I felt was often overlooked in class, yet someone I got along with well and whom I really liked. I figured she'd be the perfect person to immortalize in my video. So as I walk the streets of Calgary in the year 2029 interviewing people as to the greatness of Monsieur Dabrain, I decide to ask one person "Do you know my friend Mme Chong?" The person tells me that Mme Chong is very mean. Incredulous, I decide to embark on a search for Mme Chong's classroom. Eventually I find it and discover that her students have all become goats. In fact, so has Mme Chong! I then decided to have fun with another French expression that I found silly - "péter les plombs". That expression means "to go crazy" or "to blow a fuse". Literally it could be translated to "farts lead". Naturally, I discover little bits of lead and conclude that both Mme Chong and her students have been ... going crazy. I then travel back to the present and decide to have a video conference with the Doctor that sent me to the future. The doctor was someone I had had in an earlier presentation and my classmates had been in hysterics, so I decided to bring him back. The exchange I have with the doctor via video conference was done to summarize all the points I had made throughout the video to answer the questions that the presentation was suppose to address. Anyway, I was super nervous and excited the day I was to present. I was pretty sure I was gonna hit it outta the park. As the video began to role I awaited the laughter from my classmates - it didn't really come. There were bits here and there, but not like I was hoping. In fact, I overheard someone critiquing my French - poor French had been part of the joke of my presentation but this person obviously didn't get it. Then when it got to the part where Mme Chong is described as mean, my classmates seemed shocked. I heard someone say "that's cruel". Then when I discover that Mme Chong has turned into a goat I got the distinct impression that my classmates thought I had crossed a line. So yeah, it was rather uncomfortable. The video was my baby. I loved that baby, but my classmates rejected her. A couple of things I might do differently would be to shorten it. So much of it was improvised, with the actors having been given some direction as to what I wanted to come out. Next time I'd script it tighter to make it shorter. Also, there was a booger hanging from my nose in the opening scene. I didn't realize until after we had shot the scene and I was back at home looking at it on my computer. I wasn't able to re-shoot it 'cause Miriam was so busy with school herself. I decided the scene was funnier as a result and left it alone. Next time I think that I'd at least mention it at the top of my presentation. Since I hadn't, my classmates were uncomfortably focused on the booger hanging from my nose, wondering if I knew it was there. Talking to Mme Chong before hand might've been a good idea too. She did come to me after class that day and told me that she was delighted to have been included in my video. She also told me that I'm frequently mentioned to her other friends as the only dude in class, and as someone who constantly does outrageous presentations. She then added that she thought I will be adored by my future students. That was very nice of her. Still, at the moment her name was mentioned in my video I looked over to her and she seemed uncomfortable - likely because it was unexpected and she didn't know what was upcoming. That in turn may have lead to the discomfort of my classmates. It kinda reminds me of my stand-up days and having a new bit. The thrilling part about stand-up is not knowing if something is going to work. When it does work the adrenaline rush is insane. The thing is, you'd never get that rush if everything always worked. So even though my hopes for the video had been high, I'm not entirely disappointed it fell flat. The one very cool thing is that making that video got me stoked at the idea of making other videos. No doubt those videos that I will be making in the months ahead will kick all kinds of ass! Buh Bye! (click) 5 comments | post a comment
The last semester of university has already begun to take it's toll. Still, I'm here and I've only got three months to go. I thought I'd give a quick update on my resolutions. So here we go ...  I ran again the following week and that was good too. I made the mistake of running one day at around 4:30PM. It had been a particularly warm and sunny day, but by the time I started to run the sun was starting to set and it had become a fair bit cooler. The temperature didn't bother me, it was that the snow that had melted onto the asphalt path had begun to freeze - resulting in black ice. I was walking when suddenly I found myself on the ground. I was okay, but when I got back home I discovered that my underwear had ripped and that I was bleeding from the ass/hip area. I looked completely ridiculous! This week the weather has been quite pleasant and I've been keeping up with the running. I find it to be a nice stress reliever. I've adjusted my diet slightly and plan on becoming a little more strict with that as the weeks go by. I also plan on adding in some sit-ups and push-ups in the weeks to come.  As for the other resolutions, things are going well. I started with the local pregnancy care centre and I'm very stoked. I'm going to be going to high schools and junior highs to talk to students about abstinence. I've observed a few sessions so far and I've been amazed at how receptive the kids are. I think this is totally up my alley and can't wait to get trained and start teaching. Reading a book a month is off to a good start also. I read one biography on a MMA fighter. It was a pretty simple read, but I wanted to get off to a good start, especially with all the reading I have to do at uni. I likely won't get into any books that are too in depth until the end of April. Still, I'm on track for one a month. I have not done well on saying "yes" to things though. I've had a few opportunities to do just that, but I didn't want to. One friend asked me to participate in a murder mystery for some church fund raiser. It sounded pretty lame and I just wasn't into doing it. It also happened to fall on the night of some fights and that alone was enough to get me to decline. In fact, I've turned down a few invites because this month is a crazy months for fights. I was also invited out by a classmate (previously know to this blog as Cunty) to join her and a couple of friends (including Mulva) to go ice skating. It probably wouldn't have been horrible, but I didn't want to. Anyway, at least I'm more aware of saying "no". Still, I'd like to say "yes" more so I'll have to keep working on it. Finally, I've not been taking the dogs for walks. I only aimed to do it once a month and there's still more than a week left in January, so I'll be sure to make that resolution stick. All in all I'm doing alright with the resolutions. I'm feeling very positive about life and about life in Calgary in particular. I love the weather here and I especially love the winters. The constant blue skies brighten my days. I'll leave you with a cool pic I took last night. It's the view from my house overlooking the river valley at sunset. Calgary rules!  Buh Bye! (click) 4 comments | post a comment
 I don't especially like acting. Nor do I really like actors. I suspect I feel this way because I don't think I'm particularly good when it comes to acting. Terry Shane Murder Mysteries on the other hand is different. It completely rocks! That's because I don't consider it acting, nor do I consider the performers actors. We're simply being goofballs, making people laugh and having loads of fun. In fact, I suspect most people who consider themselves actors look down on things like dinner theatre and murder mysteries. I dunno, dinner theatre and murder mysteries probably do suck - my exposure to those is pretty limited. What I do know is that Terry Shane Murder Mysteries does not suck. Rather it is the exception to the rule because it is insanely fun! I think it's fun because we improvise so much. Outside of hitting the key plot points, our job is to get the audience to have fun. We do this by having fun ourselves - by being ridiculous characters. Heck, half the time I'm trying to keep myself from laughing at what the other performers are doing and saying. As our shtick is being ridiculous and larger than life, it was a little odd when a company booked us to be real and "blend in". This company was having a party for their staff at the schwanky Rim Rock Hotel in Banff. The individual who booked us wanted us to pretend to be hotel staff and didn't want anyone from their own company to know what was up. After the first murder this individual wanted us to turn the volume WAY up on our characters and the fun would begin. Though Janet - the owner of Terry Shane - expressed reservations to the client because it wasn't our usual thing, she agreed anyway 'cause it was what they wanted.  Saturday night. Showtime! Truus and Adam are wearing Rim Rock vests and looking the part of hotel staff. Rob is dressed as the hotel owner, while Janet - his wife for the show - is looking the part of the general manager. Meanwhile, James is sharp in his blazer and earpiece as hotel security. Of course I'm the ridiculous French chef whose character is so big and so ridiculous that the script is edited - I don't get to make my first appearance until after the first murder. Pft! As the guests arrive at the bar, then move to the dinning area, they've seen all the performers blending in with the rest of the hotel staff. There is some interaction between performers and guests, but it's kept to a minimum and no one has a clue what's in store. It's murder time! Janet ducks into the green room and trickles some blood from the corner of her mouth. She then squirts a bunch on her neck to represent the stab wound. She then heads back to the dinning room and commences her death scene. Cue hysterics from unsuspecting audience. Heroic man in audience comes to Janet's aid and firmly but gently guides her to the floor. He uses a napkin to apply pressure to her "wound" with his shaking, adrenalin-filled hand before screaming "SOMEBODY CALL 911!" Rob - "the distraught husband and hotel owner" - comes over and says "Oh no ... my wife". Our hero looks up at him and barks "YOU NEED TO CALL 911 RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" James - our "hotel security" - sees that things are getting out of hand and decides to take control. "Sir, I'm a private investigator and I need you to step away from the body". The hero from the audience realizes someone of greater authority has taken charge and backs off. Normally, at this point in the show, the audience has been delighted at having witnessed some ridiculous death scene. As a result, a gag line usually works very well. However, when the audience thinks they've actually seen someone bleed to death in front of them - not so much. Still, it was understandable that James would want to lighten the mood. So after checking for a pulse, he stands up and announces "Ladies and Gentlemen, the hotel manager has just ... checked out". It goes over like a lead balloon. In fact, someone from the audience says "Now that's just sick!" Maybe I'm a little twisted - probably 'cause it didn't happen to me - but I think it's hilarious! Yeah it's probably rather traumatic to think you're seeing someone die in front of you - but no one really died. Gotcha! Anyway, it wasn't what we really wanted to do anyway. The script was completely changed as per their request. Certainly we had no idea that anyone would think the death scene would be real. Fortunately everyone in the audience had a great sense of humour and were laughing for the rest of the show. Well, all except for one dude. He was totally pissed off all night. The one really cool part was that a true hero emerged that night. Though it was all a ruse, the guy who jumped up to Janet's rescue did all the right things. His training and instincts totally kicked in. I'm sure the rest of the people from that company have a whole new appreciation for their hero co-worker. As for the rest of us, I think we'll leave that realistic, bullshit acting alone. Go big or go home! Buh Bye! (click) 5 comments | post a comment
When I first met Camille she told me she had a hairless cat. The breed is a Devon Rex. Upon hearing that I immediately thought "Lame". In fact, a friend's joke on the subject came to mind. He talked of the ridiculousness of people buying expensive cats. He explained that in Saskatchewan, if you want a cat, you just go to the farm and say to the farmer "Hey, don't drown that one"! Perhaps a little harsh for cat lovers, but rather apt.  I was absolutely delighted when I saw the movie Yes Man before Christmas. I love Jim Carrey and have rarely been disappointed by one of his films. This flick totally delivered for me too. Of course my appreciation for Jim Carrey was only part of why I liked it. The film itself was also very inspiring. I had heard of the Danny Wallace book about a year or two ago before I knew it was to be made into a movie. The premise - a true story - is that the author decides to say "yes" to everything for a year. I found the whole concept of the book to be rather compelling. I had decided to read it but never did. The movie was simply inspired by the book, not a retelling. Still, I loved it! My favourite scene can be found below, though I recommend going to the movie rather than watching this scene. Anyway, I've decided that I need to make a greater effort to say "yes" to things in 2009. When I was living in Toronto I had a full size sheet of paper with the with "YES!" printed across it which was affixed to my door. It was there to remind me to say it a little more regularly. It worked. So that's what I want to do in 2009 and beyond. I know goals are suppose to be specific and measurable, but that seems a little ridiculous with this particular goal. Another goal I want to add to my list is walking my mum's dogs. I get such pleasure out of doing that and the dogs are ecstatic when I take them. It's hard to explain why it's so much better than a regular walk (which I enjoy also). Perhaps, it's just seeing the dogs running free at the dog park, chasing each other and being happy. Yeah, I like that a lot. I'll see what I can do based on how the semester goes, but to walk them a least once a month should be simple enough. Done!  Buh Bye! (click) 3 comments | post a comment
I believe my livejournal tradition of looking back at the year that was dates back to 2002 or 2003. It's hard to believe I've had an LJ for that long. Anyway, here we go ...  UFC 83 in Montreal - I can hardly believe how much fun I had in Montreal. When my brother first proposed the idea of going to see the fights when the Montreal card was only a rumor I told him it was unlikely. Somehow I made it happen though and am I ever glad that I did. Meeting so many of the fighters and screaming my head off at cageside was a blast. I look forward to seeing another live show in the near future.  Mixed Martial Arts - Along with having attended UFC 83 in Montreal goes my whole love affair with the mixed martial arts (mma). I really can't get enough. I'm constantly reading various website to get news on fighters and potential matches. I also didn't miss a single UFC pay per view this year. It may seem like a bit much but I think I could have worse addictions. I think of people who are hardcore into video games. They spend hours upon hours holed up playing games with their virtual friends. That's fine for them, but I'm glad that my addition gets me out of the house once or twice a month to gather with others at the local watering hole. Running - I was feeling rather fat and out of shape at the start of 2008. While I was at university it felt impossible to attend my kickboxing classes. After seeing an article in the newspaper that talked about a running program that built someone up from absolute novice to 5 km over the course of two months I started to think about running. I found a similar program on the net and decided to start that as soon as I got back from Montreal. It's pretty amazing that I ever got started considering I was running in the freezing rain for the first month. Somehow that, coupled with the fact that I didn't have any fancy running outfit - or proper running shoes for that matter - made me feel hardcore. Eventually I did get a decent pair of shoes, and some breathable shirts. My mother also got me a heart rate monitor for my birthday, which I promptly upgraded to a HR monitor with GPS. I was very dedicated to running and felt great. Eventually I was doing just over 6K in about 32 minutes. Check this out to see how I was doing in August. Also, be sure to click "player" when you get there. I think it's kinda cool. As for the year ahead I have a few resolutions/goals in mind. First, I'd like to do something outside of myself. Some kind of volunteer work. Lats week I spoke with Camille's aunt who works at the local pregnancy care centre. I had looked into volunteering there years ago but was told they only use men for various handyman type jobs. As a result I dismissed the notion of volunteering there. Anyway, I asked her aunt if they ever needed male volunteers and her eyes lit up. I'll be meeting with her next week to see what might work. I'm also thinking about doing some sort of visit with inmates at the local correctional facility. I don't want to bite off too much at first though so to start my goal will be to do some sort of volunteer work helping others once a week. Running is something I must get back into as well. Camille and I will likely start the running program I was doing last year. My goals around running are to do it 2 - 3 times a week. I would also like to do a 10k race in May. Reading is another area in my life that I'd like to grow. I do read heaps, but most of it has to do with current events and I read it on line. I want to read more books which is what I used to do a fair bit of a few years ago. So my goal is to read a book a month. It doesn't sound like a whole lot, but while still being in university it should be challenging enough. Debt is something else I'd like to take care. That'll be hard until I'm working regularly, and that won't be 'til September as it relates to teaching. Still, I may have work before then too. I think if I put about half a paycheque toward my debt each time I'm paid it should lead me to being debt free or close to it by the end of the year. Bring on 2009! Buh Bye! (click) 6 comments | post a comment
I had a lovely Christmas. Despite the deep freeze we were in it was largely stress free. Any shopping I did was done via the internet. I felt stressed on the 23rd when I was in line at the grocery store. The place was insanely busy and everyone seemed grumpy. As the line I was in slowly inched forward I kept having to look skyward and say a little prayer asking for my own peace. Apart from that one excursion to the grocery store it was all good.  I also got her a bag and a blanket from Sari Bari, and an Anthony De Mello book. Additionally, I framed up a picture of the two of us. On the matting of the picture I printed up a poem that we had heard together at a Slam poetry reading a couple of months back. Yeah, she really dug that one too. Funny that the card and the picture cost me less than $10 of actual cash and those were the two things that she dug the most. Hoorah! Buh Bye! (click) 6 comments | post a comment
 Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University. "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca -last name deleted, and Jim - last name deleted. ---------------------------------------- STORY: (First paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. ---------------------------------------- (Second paragraph by Jim) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his trans- galactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. ---------------------------------------- (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed hurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. ---------------------------------------- (Jim) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" ---------------------------------------- (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. ---------------------------------------- (Jim) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." ---------------------------------------- (Rebecca) Asshole. ---------------------------------------- (Jim) Bitch. ---------------------------------------- (Rebecca) Wanker. ---------------------------------------- (Jim) slut. ---------------------------------------- (Rebecca) Get f*cked. ---------------------------------------- (Jim) Eat shit. ---------------------------------------- (Rebecca) F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!! ---------------------------------------- (Jim) Go drink some tea - whore. ---------------------------------------- (Teacher) A+ I really liked this one. Taken from Relationship Contract via Stumble Upon. Photo from Everything is Contextual: For Jen, Buh Bye (click) post a comment
 In my first year or so of doing stand-up in Calgary there was a dude named Jarett I got to know a little bit. He was also cutting his teeth at the big comedy chain. I remember him mentioning to me some internet tv show he and a friend had started. I had checked out the website, but I didn't really think too much of it. A couple of years ago I learned that this dude's little internet tv show had become huge. My buddy Heath, who was in semi-regular contact with Jarett, had gone to see the premier of an episode live at the Bloor Cinema. He had gone to support his friend, but when he got there the place was completely packed with adoring fans. These people had paid a decent buck to see the premier of the new episode even though it was to be launched free on the net the next day! Heath had told me that our friend Jarret was now earning his living off the tv show. Apparently, their t-shirt and DVD sales were huge enough that Jarret and his co-creators were all able to quit their jobs and dedicate themselves to their internet show. Anyway, this all came to mind again when Troy Dixon, a dude I had attended the comedy program in Toronto, died a couple of weeks ago in a car accident. Though I didn't know him all that well, I felt pretty sad. I found an article about him on the Torontoist. Then I decided to type his name into the youtube search engine. I was stunned at the number of hits I got. Here's the thing, Troy joined up with that little internet TV show a year or two ago. As a result he got fans from around the world. Crazy! As sad as it is that he's gone, it is cool to know that he has touched people all over the world.  About that internet TV show - it all started by accident. Jarett's friend had borrowed a video camera from the university as he wanted to test out some video editing software. He wound up filming Jarett ranting about some video game that the two of them were really into. They edited it to look like a preview for an upcoming TV show and posted it on some forum for the video game. They got a few hundred hits and they were delighted about that. Also, many of the comments they received inquired about when the non-existent show would debut. So they decided to shoot an episode. After posting the first episode they got over a thousand hits. Again they were very happy and decided to make a second episode. After getting a few thousand hits with that episode they knew they were on to something. As I understand it, today they get between two and three million downloads per episode. Unbelievable! You can check out their site at purepwnage.com or check out this link to the wikipedia site. I must say, thinking about all of this has me inspired. Buh Bye! (click) 2 comments | post a comment
It's been kinda nice doing nothing. Staying up late, sleeping in, drinking coffee, eating crap. Though it'd be nice to be making a few bucks while I'm on a break from university, relaxing ain't half bad.  I rented some movies recently. One had been recommended to me eons ago - 28 Days Later. When that was new in the theatres green_random told me it was worthwhile. Though I'm not especially into horror flicks I've always kept that one in the back of my head. I'm glad I did 'cause it rocked. Not your typical zombie flick. Sure there was a bit of gore, but the story itself was good. Of course I made the mistake of renting the sequel - 28 Weeks Later. Oi vei! Still, that was my mistake, not green_random's. Come to think of it, GR knows his zombie flicks. He had recommended Resident Evil 2 to me. He was careful to explain that the original sucked but that the sequel was good. He was right. When number three came out he told me to pass on it. If I think back even further, I was with him when I first saw the Evil Dead movies too. Hmmn ... yep, green_random is a zombie flick guru. The top 20 mug shots of the year were very interesting. The Smoking Gun is known for posting celebrity mug shots, though their top 20 wasn't about celebrities - though the list did include one. Some were hilarious, while others kinda sad, and others scary. LTK had a great post the other day on Advent. It had a great video associated with it. You should watch it. Anyway, thinking about her post and her video makes me feel a little less holy in posting the video below ... but I love it so I'm posting it anyway I've also been unsure what to get Camille for Christmas. Everything became clear to me when I saw the video below. It fits within my budget and I think she's gonna love it. It has now been decided! Buh Bye! (click) 5 comments | post a comment
I had a job interview and a subsequent job offer from the local school board last week. The job offer is conditional upon my graduation from the teaching program I'm in. I expect that in mid-April I'll be subbing, or perhaps I'll have a temporary teaching assignment (filling in for someone on mat leave or something). It feels good to know I have a job waiting for me. 
 Several years ago I had a dream and when I woke up I was laughing hysterically. In my stand-up/sketch days I was careful about writing down everything that occurred to me that was funny. I had learned that keeping a pen and paper by my bed was also key. Anyway, as I giggled in my groggy morning haze, I jotted down the words "Hitler's nipple". I fell back asleep and when I later awoke and saw the words "Hitler's nipple" scrawled on the piece of paper I was baffled. I had no idea why I had written it, but I started to laugh none the less. So I wrote a short blackout sketch about a guy who buys Hitler's nipple off of eBay. He holds up a Ziplock baggie with the nazi nipple and proudly shows it to his disbelieving roommate. I don't remember the dialog between the two, but I do remember the scene ending with the disbelieving roommate lifting his friends' shirt to reveal a bloody gauze bandage covering his nipple as the stage went black. The sketch was entitled "Hitler's Nipple". I was reminded of my old sketch this week when I learned that Hitler only had one ball. Now THAT would've made one funny sketch. One more thing, Spain ain't happenin' :) Thanks for your input. Buh Bye! (click) post a comment
 So here I am in the middle of my full-time block of student teaching. More details have come in with regard to my trip to Spain, though nothing is 100% yet. Just over a week ago I finally got confirmation that the trip was on and that I needed to start gathering things for my Spanish visa. The number of things I have to do is insane. Most of the things I could have at least started months ago, but every time I inquired with the university I was told I had to wait. Now suddenly at the most intense part of the semester I've been given a shitload to do. It's a little stressing. I went to my doctor last week to get the medical certificate required for the visa. He said I had to come back for a full medical and that I needed blood tests done too. My medical is scheduled for Wednesday and the blood tests Friday. The results from the blood tests will take a week. This means the absolute earliest I could submit my visa application is November 28th. All the documentation I've been given about the visa process indicates that it takes 45 days to complete. Even if I submitted everything tomorrow (which I couldn't 'cause we're still waiting on paperwork from the school in Spain) there's just under 45 days, and that's counting weekends and Christmas. Last Thursday - before the impossibility of it all had set in - it occurred to me that I shouldn't go to Spain. The fact is I'm totally into Camille. We've only been going out for two and a half months, but things are great. I'm not saying she's "the one" 'cause I really don't think we know each other well enough, but this is the best it's ever been. I considered that going to Spain would put our relationship on hold for six months. That's not a huge big deal, but I'd really rather not. As I weigh the options, I've considered that if I stay in town and things fall apart between Camille and I, there'll be no regret. This is because I can always go to Spain and besides, as corny as it sounds I risked it for love. On the other hand, if I go to Spain and things fall apart I suspect I'll have loads of regret. I remember back in '03 when I was first planning on moving to Toronto I started seeing a girl. When we started going out my plans for moving were already in place. Though things fell apart with the girl before I moved, there was never a thought in my mind that I wouldn't go. I remember a friend chastising me for going after my comedy career rather than love. Though I really liked that girl, I wasn't in love and I certainly wasn't prepared to give up my dream for her at that point. In '06 when I knew I was going to leave Toronto for the west I was kinda dating this girl. A great girl, but once again I wasn't about to not go because of her. In fact, I prevented myself from getting too involved with her because I was determined to leave Toronto. Here I am in '08 and I feel the exact opposite. I have very little hesitation in giving up a pretty cool experience for six months in Spain to better get to know this young lady. So yeah, I'm about to bail on Spain. In reality, Spain isn't likely to happen anyway, though the visa may get approved in a week or two rather than 45 days. Still, I think I'm going to cut the frayed thread upon which the trip to Spain rests. Am I crazy? Buh Bye! (click) 7 comments | post a comment
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 I watched the Superbowl of politics last night. Though I was cheering for the Washington Mavericks, I knew not to hold my breath. There's something I love about politics, particularly US politics. Everything just feels so much bigger and so much more important. The historic aspect of last night's election was pretty thrilling. I also love US election speeches. In fact, the thing I like most about the new President elect is that he's a fantastic orator. Truly superb! I actually thought McCain had the better speech of the night though. His graciousness in defeat was astounding. I say this even though I didn't even really want McCain as President. The only reason I supported him at all was because of Sarah Palin. What a great pick as a running mate. I am very excited to see what the future holds for her. Of course the Democrats have done everything they can to demonize her, which suggests they fear her. I don't blame them. I truly wish Obama well during his term, though my kind thoughts will likely sour as he begins to implement some of those things. My thoughts turn to his plans to liberalize abortion throughout the US as his first official act as President. I must admit that though I wish him well, I want to barf at every post-election blog post and facebook status update that has something negative to say about Bush. Was Bush truly evil? Was he a dictator? When people use such terms to describe someone they simply disagree with it completely devalues those words. What was Hitler? REALLY, REALLY evil? What about Stalin? An unelected, super-bad dictator? I loved what Ann Coulter wrote at the end of her column today. "For now, we have a new president-elect. In the spirit of reaching across the aisle, we owe it to the Democrats to show their president the exact same kind of respect and loyalty that they have shown our recent Republican president." HA! I'm not into tit for tat - just tits :) For now I'll enjoy the historical aspects of this election and will show respect to the new President elect. Buh Bye! (click) 2 comments | post a comment
So I've largely stopped running. That kinda pisses me off 'cause things were going so well and I was feeling pretty hard core. My resting heart rate dropped to 47 bpm which is suppose to be pretty good, though I was pretty sad last time I went to give blood 'cause I was too fuckin' healthy. When I left the blood donor clinic I stepped into the men's room and felt like I was about to cry for not being able to give blood. Anyway, the good news about not having ran for over a month means that I am once again a fat lard ass. That in turn may mean that my resting heart rate has gone up and I can give blood. I have an appointment for Saturday and I'll keep you posted.   ( translation behind cut ) Buh Bye! (click) 1 comment | post a comment
 It's been a while. Sorry. Here's a bit of an update. - spent the summer working like a dog as a courier. It was okay to start with, but 12 hours a day got pretty old by August - grew a chin strap beard - was super - ran a whole lot 'til about mid-August, then my body said "enough". I suspect being overworked and getting little sleep took it's toll - met a dude who started a Christian dating website and got rich off of it. When I expressed some interest in his site he said "None of my friends pay" and promptly gave me a two year membership - made a bet with a boor who was going on about politics at a party. I put $20 on Obama winning the November election - jumped off the Obama train after hearing him talk with Rick Warren - the morning that John McCain announced his running mate I scratched my head ... by the afternoon I was excited ... I am now hopeful I will lose $20 - finally got some new glasses - made it to Kelowna at the tail end of the summer for several days - met a delightful girl named Camille via the previously mentioned website - started counting down the days left in the semester during the first week of school - after several weeks of dating officially started seeing Camille So I guess that's it for now. Buh Bye! (click) 
 As part of my job with l'Express de Fed I deliver to a large chain, big-box merchant. A few weeks back I noticed what appeared to be a lazy-boy type chair sticking out of the top of their dumpster. I asked one of the dudes working in the shipping department if that was a new chair they were throwing out. He replied "Yeah, someone probably returned it 'cause there was cat hair on it or something." I knew he was being facetious and made a mental note to keep an eye on the things this store was throwing out. I had heard about dumpster diving and freeganism but had never actually done it. I thought that perhaps this might be the place. The following week I saw two dudes with two young boys unloading a new barbecue from the dumpster. As it was daylight I figured they must know somebody that worked there who let them grab the barbecue. Then a couple of days later I saw boxes of new, un-assembled furniture next to the dumpster with the words "garbage" and "destroy" written on them. Finally last week I saw a paddle boat and a kayak sitting next to the garbage. I knew they were destined for the bin. Once upon a time I had promised myself I would learn to kayak (actually I want to learn to do white water kayaking) so I determined that I would return upon nightfall to retrieve said kayak. That evening as I drove up to the store with my roommate, Steven Curtis Chapman's "Dive" played on the radio. As I heard the lyrics "I’m diving in, I’m going deep, in over my head, I want to be" I knew God was smiling upon me and that discarded kayak would soon be mine and that I'd be paddling down the Bow River in no time. As we parked by the dumpster I could see the end of the kayak poking out of the top of the dumpster. Though I was a little nervous as there was some workers around, I clapped my hands with delight. I climbed the ladder attached to the side of the huge bin. When I got to the top I reached for my precious new (and free) toy. As I pulled on the hard plastic boat my joy turned to sadness when I discovered that the lovely watercraft I had gazed upon earlier in the day had since been sawed in half. FACK! Who knows the exact rationale for sure, but obviously the dudes who toss out the gold are under order to destroy it before it ends up in the dumpster. FACKETTY! FACK! FACK! It's all I've been able to think about. Yesterday I was walking past the shipper and I could've sworn he said "I have to cut a kayak in half". He likely said nothing of the sort, but that's certainly what I heard. Anyway, I'll have to play my cards right. Some of the people that work there are pretty laid back, while others are less so. If i see something cool destined for the bin I'll simply have to inquire about it I suspect. In better news I'm going to Spain. Yeah baby! The teaching across boarders program I applied to through university accepted my application. Not only that, they're giving me my first choice of country. My choices in order of preference had been Spain, Chile and France. At one of the first meetings I attended we were told that loads of people had Spain as their first choice and that not all those who applied would be going. Furthermore, for those that had Spain as a first choice, most had either Chile or Mexico as their second choice. That would make it a challenge to even get your second pick. Anyway, I got Spain. So in January I head to Barcelona for six months where I'll finish my B.Ed via on-line courses and by teaching 12 hours a week. I suspect that going to the beach along the Mediterranean will become my new ritual de lo habitual. I'm stoked! Buh Bye! (click) 5 comments | post a comment
1. During a rehearsal of the Humber five year anniversary show some dude came up to me and told me I was exactly what he needed for a couple of commercials he was producing. One was for basketball shoes and one was for a video game system. He shot some video of me and gave me his card. When I checked out his website I saw the type of person he was looking to cast for the video game system. Specifically he wanted someone who was "skinny and unhealthy looking". I felt a little shitty about that but more shitty when I didn't get the commercial.  5. When I was a child my Dad watched the news on television daily. He would sometimes cry as he watched a touching or a sad news story. I used to hate that. I thought it was total weakness and was so embarrassed for him. I didn't get how the people on the other side of the world on the TV screen could make him cry. Since becoming an adult when I watch the news or certain movies I sometimes cry too. Now I get it. 6. When I was about four or five years old I was riding public transit with my mother when a sikh in traditional garb boarded the bus. After staring at him for several minutes I finally asked my mother "Is he a genie?" 7. In grade five or six I had a teacher whom I'll never forget. He was asking students to answer questions and writing their answers on the board. I didn't understand the exercise or maybe I wasn't paying attention. Either way I didn't know the answer when he got to me. Class was over but he wouldn't let us leave until I answered the question. The teacher stood facing the blackboard and told me to answer the question. Everyone was whispering the answer to me. Still, I didn't understand why the answer was what it was and didn't want to just give an answer and still have no clue. I started to cry. The teacher wouldn't budge and demanded an answer. In a very shaky and halting voice, I stammered out the answer everyone in the class was whispering as tears streamed down my face. He then dismissed the class and as he moved away from the blackboard I could see where he wrote the answer I had given. He had written the word with squiggly letters to represent my shaky, tear-filled voice. I was crushed and humiliated. In university last year a prof explained that as teachers we're going to screw up with our students. She said the question will be whether our screw up will affect the child for ten minutes, ten days, or ten years. It's probably been about 25 years and I've yet to forget the incident above. I vow never to be a teacher like that. I wrote the above because I was tagged in a meme by the ultra-cool Lisa of the super-fantastic Suck It Up, Princess (I believe using the word "super" to describe something is very German). Now it's my turn to tag seven others. The chosen ones are: adamino2008operamangsymphislander82green_randomJohanna and Andrew I realize many of the above people rarely blog but whatever ... you're it fuckers. Here are the rules: 1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog. 2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. 3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. 4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. Buh Bye! (click) 3 comments | post a comment
I've been wondering recently if I'm becoming a pinko. Seriously, something in me has changed. I used to be so very hard core to the right. Though that likely remains true on certain issues it does not hold true on all of them. Hmmn ... how about I make a list to see where I stand on certain things?  |
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